I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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