The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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