he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
