I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
