Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
