I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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