it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
