I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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