At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Congratulations! We have a period
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