Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
