I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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