We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
