During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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