you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize