I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
