I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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