I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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