How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
