My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
