so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
