porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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