Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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