it wasn't lemon gatorade
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
