We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just pee around me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
