i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
