I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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