Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
