is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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