He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the day after is always just damage control
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
