It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
