dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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