my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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