I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
