i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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