Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
