I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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