i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
