Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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