Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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