I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
