Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think your dad took our porno
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
