Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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