Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
