I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
