Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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