This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize