Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
