yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
