everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
