Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
