Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
