Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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