My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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