apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
