she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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