I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize