Will you blow on my dice?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
