i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
