can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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