my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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