Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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