i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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