It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize