Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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