I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
