This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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